Ex- England skipper Lewis Moody has announced he has been identified with motor neurone disease and admitted he cannot yet face the full consequences of the muscle-deteriorating condition that ended the lives of fellow rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The middle-aged sportsman, who was part of the 2003 championship side and won numerous English and European titles with Leicester, spoke to BBC Breakfast a fortnight after finding out he has the illness.
"There's an element of confronting what lies ahead and not wanting to really process that at the moment," he said.
"It isn't that I fail to comprehend where it's progressing. We understand that. But there is definitely a unwillingness to face what's ahead for now."
Moody, conversing together with his wife Annie, explains rather he feels "peaceful" as he focuses on his present wellbeing, his family and getting ready for when the illness deteriorates.
"Maybe that's shock or perhaps I process things in another way, and once I have the details, it's more manageable," he added.
Early Symptoms
Moody found out he had MND after observing some lack of strength in his shoulder area while working out in the gym.
After rehabilitation didn't help the problem, a series of scans revealed nerves in his neurological system had been affected by MND.
"You're presented with this medical finding of MND and we're rightly quite affected about it, but it's quite odd because I sense that nothing's wrong," he remarked.
"I don't feel sick. I don't feel unwell
"My indications are very minor. I have some muscle deterioration in the hand and the upper arm.
"I remain competent to doing anything and everything. And hopefully that will persist for as long as is feasible."
Illness Advancement
MND can progress swiftly.
According to the charity MND Association, the illness claims a one-third of people within a year and above half within 24 months of identification, as ingestion and inhalation become increasingly challenging.
Medical care can only slow worsening.
"It isn't ever me that I am upset for," added an affected Moody.
"It's about the sorrow around having to inform my mum - as an single child - and the implications that has for her."
Personal Impact
Talking from the residence with his wife and their family dog by his side, Moody was overcome with emotion when he spoke about breaking the news to his sons - teenage Dylan and adolescent Ethan - the devastating news, stating: "This was the toughest thing I've ever had to do."
"They are two brilliant boys and that was rather upsetting," Moody stated.
"We were seated on the sofa in tears, Ethan and Dylan both embraced in each other, then the dog bounded over and began removing the moisture off our faces, which was quite funny."
Moody stated the emphasis was remaining in the now.
"There exists no solution and that is why you have to be extremely militantly focused on just embracing and appreciating everything now," he stated.
"As Annie said, we've been very fortunate that the sole decision I made when I left playing was to allocate as much period with the kids as attainable. We don't get those periods back."
Athlete Connection
Elite competitors are excessively impacted by MND, with investigations suggesting the incidence of the disease is up to sixfold greater than in the general population.
It is believed that by limiting the air obtainable and causing damage to neural pathways, frequent, strenuous training can activate the disease in those already genetically susceptible.
Athletic Playing Days
Moody, who won 71 England appearances and traveled with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was called 'Mad Dog' during his playing career, in acknowledgment of his fearless, unwavering style to the game.
He participated through a bone injury of his leg for a period with Leicester and once caused a training-ground scuffle with team-mate and friend Martin Johnson when, annoyed, he left a tackle pad and commenced throwing himself into physical contacts.
After appearing as a substitute in the Rugby World Cup championship win over Australia in 2003, he won a ball at the rear of the throw-in in the critical passage of play, creating a foundation for half-back Matt Dawson to advance and Jonny Wilkinson to score the match-winning drop kick.
Support System
Moody has already informed Johnson, who captained England to that championship, and a few other former players about his condition, but the rest will be finding out his news with the rest of public.
"We'll have a period when we'll need to lean on their support but, at the moment, just having that type of love and recognition that people are there is the crucial thing," he commented.
"Rugby is such a wonderful community.
"I said to the kids the other day, I've had an incredible life.
"Even if it finished now, I've appreciated all of it and embraced all of it and got to do it with remarkable people.
"When you get to call your passion your career, it's one of the most important honors.
"Having accomplished it for so long a time with the teams that I did it with was a pleasure. And I understand they will desire to assist in whatever way they can and I anticipate having those discussions."
